Poems for Joe Frank
The Christmas Wreath
"That's $34.99", said the sales clerk with a smile.
"$34.99", I repeat, "That sounds kinda high."
"We have less expensive ones," she said, as tears filled my eyes.
"Oh. No. Thanks. This one will be just fine."
I wish I were buying a video game, music or new clothes,
Instead I buy a Christmas wreath of greenery, pine cones and bows.
I stand and look at the wreath I have placed with such care,
cold winds slap my face, tears collide with rain soaked hair.
I marvel at the beauty of the Chrismas wreath placed on the blanket of snow.
I whisper, "Merry Christmas son. Why oh why," I question, did you want to die?" And wonder, will I ever know.
barbi kinne; advocate for suicide prevention
"Not by chance, but by circumstance."
Fair Weather Friend
We shared many days together, yes we did, you and me.
Forever friends is what I thought, we would always be.
When the time came and I really needed you there,
You turned your back on me, as if you didn't care.
You didn't sit with me and mourn, on the day my son died.
And with your back to me, I wasn't sure, if you even cried.
You didn't come to comfort me, as I suffered horrendous grief,
showed no emotion or concern, just turned your back on me.
I've suffered lifes greatest loss, nothing else can compare.
And you added to my sorrow, because you were not there.
You missed out on misery, I guess you didn't want to see.
So to shelter you from my pain, you turned your back on me.
I have gained and lost while on this journey of despair,
Encountered many caring hearts, been bessed by many prayers.
Those that live, too must die, and when your loved one is gone,
I will be a friend, in the end, I'll not leave you to suffer alone.
barbi kinne
The View From Heavens Window
I watch everything you do, from my window up above.
Now I know the meaning of undying love.
You cling to my things as if they were gold.
I see you put on my ol grey socks on nights your lonely and cold.
I've seen you cry for hours on my old tee shirt.
I cry too, when I see how bad you hurt.
I watched as you cleaned out my car that day.
Why did you keep my pop cans and trash instead of throwing them
away?
I see you sit for hours with a blank stare on your face.
I know what you're thinking, and "No you cannot take my place."
"Mom you can't come with me on this journey of new things,
I've told the others to hold off on making you your wings."
I see you go through my wallet time and time again.
You put on my watch and hat, like a child playing
"dress up and pretend"
I keep an eye on Adam to make sure he's alright.
I watch until he is safe in bed each and every night.
I get a little homesick from all the things I see.
But God is by my side and he wipes my tears for me.
He holds me and he comforts me, he makes his house my home.
He's always within my reach, I'm never left alone.
" Good-night Mom, I'll see you in the morning"
barbi kinne
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How strong is love
I still see the twinkle in your eye,
My heart cannot forget the painful way you cried.
The ending of your dreams and all your future plans,
why she stopped loving you, you couldn't understand.
I know that you still loved her even though she had said good-bye.
You felt no need in living, you thought the answer was to die.
I can still hear your sweet voice saying, “Mom I don't know what to do." You cried in my arms as I tried my best to reassure you.
“Things will get better, it just takes time, you'll realize that someday.
You dried your eyes and smiled at me, I thought things would be okay.
I didn't know the burdens your young shoulders had to bear,
I didn't know your broken heart held such deep despair.
It was the strength of love, that caused you to go away,
It is the strenth of love that keeps me going, knowing I'll see you again someday.
Marriages end and life goes on, there is sometimes sad good-byes.
Why couldn't you know, “You did not have to die.”
barbi kinne
Going Home
With gun in hand you told yourself,,,,,, “this is for the best”
I saw your struggle, I know you longed for rest.
I watched as you softly closed your eyes, you did not shed a tear.
You didn't falter or tremble, you showed no signs of fear.
Know that I did not forsake you in your deepest time of need
I was at your side, I heard your voice when you called out to me.
I cradled you in my arms, I held you as you died.
My tears spilled upon your face as I silently cried.
Sadly I looked at your face in vain,
but even I couldn't save you from your pain.
I called to my Kingdom, summoning my angel band
“Come forward Heavenly beings, as I carry my child, into the promise land."
barbi kinne
How Long
“How long does “forever” last?
When will “never” end?
How much time will have to pass,
Till I see you again?”
“How many hours are in “always?”
“Are there a million minutes in a day?”
“Just how far, is “seconds” away?”
endless
eternal
infinite
timeless
indefinite
continual
lifelong
“How long Joe Frank, can you tell me when.”
“How long till I see you again?”
barbi kinne
I Wish That I
I wish that I
Could fly so high
I could watch over all from high in the sky.
I wish that I
Would no longer cry,
That no more tears would fall, from my eyes.
I wish that I
Could still kiss you good-night
kiss you, hug you and hold you tight.
I wish that I
were among the stars so bright
I could see you in the glow of their Heavenly lights.
I wish that I
could turn back time.
I'd bring you back home and keep you as mine.
With each new day that passes by,
No matter how hard I try.
I sometimes wish that I too, could die.
barbi kinne
"WITH MY SON"
My life had found it's purpose, my future had begun,
The world took on new meaning, when I became pregnant;
WITH MY SON
I thought we'd have always, a forever filled with fun,
I thought we'd go through life together, a lifetime;
WITH MY SON
Life can seem unbearable when you are heartbroken and young,
devastating decisions made in haste, that cannot be undone.
I imagine there were hundreds, maybe thousands, there must have been angels by the ton.
A million Heavenly beings, their guiding love surrounding him, those angels, WITH MY SON.
I feel Gods comfort surround me, I sense these words from above;
"Do not weep nor worry, for he is not alone, he is among friends,
he is WITH MY SON.
barbi kinne
YOU
You are the path that leads my way
You are the flower in my heart, whose petals never fade.
You are the winds that blow the leaves,
You are the one for whom my soul grieves.
You are all the "Whys, What ifs and If only maybe's"
You were my first born child, my sweet little baby.
You are the shining star I talk to above,
You have the gift of my undying love.
You are the one that gave my life it's start.
You are the one, that has forever scarred my heart.
You are the one that put my life to the test,
The day You chose to take your eternal rest.
You are the one that left us behind.
You are the one, the one of a kind.
barbi kinne
The ol' House
A picture hang over the mantle, a tapestry on the wall,
in my moments of madness, I wonder what they saw.
Pictures can't hear and walls can't see,
But if they could, I wonder, “What would they tell me.”
If walls could talk, what would they say.
Would they tell me the story of what happened that day?
Did his steps cause the stairs to painfully creak,
as he climbed on the journey toward final peace.
Did the curtains begin to dance and sway,
knowing that angels were on their way.
Did our house come alive on the day he d.....
did faucets start to drip, like sweet tears cried.
“Walls would you please tell me if you can.
Was it an accident, or was it his plan?”
“Did the ceiling tremble and moan
as he left this ol' house for his new Home.?
I have become obsessed with that old house,
maybe for the secrets it keeps,
maybe to see if those walls weep.
In my insanity I plead,
“please walls, please talk to me.”
for I am a broken mother out of touch with reality.
barbi kinne
